How To Survive After A Toxic Relationship

How to survive after a toxic relationship?

Yes, people have had it worse than me. Yes, there are stories straight from the bowels of hell. But this is not a competition on who has had the worst relationship in their lifetime. This is a little peek into me and how maybe it can help YOU survive after your toxic relationship.

When I grew up, I knew that physical abuse was wrong. I knew that if I ever met someone who hit me or kicked me or took advantage of me in any way, it was okay to leave that person. It was not acceptable to sit there and be treated like that. But nobody ever talks about the mental abuse that you can go through in a relationship. The name calling, the slamming things around, the throwing things to scare you, the pictures of how pretty you could be-IF you lost weight; and always hearing how you're never good at anything and everything is your fault.

You start to question, “Is it my fault”? “Did I do something wrong?” “Maybe I am stupid, fat, and ugly.” The person makes us doubt ourselves. There's a saying that no one can make you feel a certain way. I think that's definitely not true. When you are in a toxic relationship, and you go into that relationship feeling good about yourself, life, your dreams; and ambitions- and someone, who you now love, is suddenly and continuously telling you how stupid or ugly or fat or useless you are- this slowly eats away at the peace or belief that we had in ourselves.

It's NOT your fault. You are NOT worthless. You ARE of value. You ARE worth it. You ARE just as important and special as the person next to you. You don't have to give up the person you once were-to become the person he/she thinks you should be. You don't have to be with someone who doesn't see your value.

When you realize you're in a toxic relationship and you get the courage to leave-what then? Seek out and reconnect with those friends you left behind because he/she didn't like them. Remember the person you once were. Remember how you liked yourself and remember WHAT you liked about yourself. Did you used to go to the park and do yoga with that one group on Saturdays? Did you enjoy getting together with friends, on Fridays, and going to happy hour? Did you look forward to Sundays when you could stay in your pajamas all day, reading your new book? Let the “you” be you again. Write in your journals. Meditate and relax in a quiet space and just breathe. You are safe now and you are perfectly imperfect-just by being YOU.